It had been a long road, figuratively and literally. I had cried almost consistently that day and night. On a long drive back to Los Angeles from Louisiana, I found myself in a mind melt. There was a shift within me on that trip and I think deep down I knew all along what was to come. My partner and I at the time, had a very heavy and confrontational phone call the day prior. The conversation was orchestrated by myself but it felt almost involuntary. It did not end well. On that drive I contemplated everything. I wondered why this was happening to me. Why I deserved this. Why me? I forced myself to not sleep as to get to Los Angeles sooner and see my partner to hopefully have it all be a dream. It was about 4 am and I realized I couldn’t safely continue to drive, so I pulled off and slept in my front seat at a gas station. As I opened my eyes only 2 hrs later, I saw the sunrise. Even though I was positioned right next to a freeway, I found that morning to be so quiet and still. It felt as if it was just me there witnessing the sun welcome a new day and in that moment I realized something, I had only been thinking of me, why me, me me me but what about him? What about how he perceived things? What about his heart? I think I realized that day it was the end for us but I also felt like I saw him for the first time.
